Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize