remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
