Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
