Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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