if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
