He kissed a someone with a penis
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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