I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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