If that was your dad, he is hot
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
