YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
