I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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