The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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