there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
