Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
