I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
