I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize