so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
