OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Green mimosas i think yes
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
