I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
