Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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