I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
