All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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