i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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