Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize