I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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