I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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