he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
