I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
