does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
