I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
