i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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