Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
