My balls are so social today.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
