I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
