I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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