So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
