I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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