It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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