I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
