he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
