he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
