i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
