I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i barfeds in our rink
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
