I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
