why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
