whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
farters have to be the big spoon...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
