smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
