New invention idea: vibrating tampons
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
