I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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