Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
