You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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