Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
