Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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