you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it's like heaven, but drunker
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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