He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
