): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
