No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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