I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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