I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
