In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
