Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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