Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
