Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
