I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
