In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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