There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
