So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
