my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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