I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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