So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
