there was a trapeze. enough said
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
