yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
