we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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