I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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