i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
