I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They have beer where we have blood.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
A+ Viking dick
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize