I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
