I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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