Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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