my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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