I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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