he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have tasted many bathrooms
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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