what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize