Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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