do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
