sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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