Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
