summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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