His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
