I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
