i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
