I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
