he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
