yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
