I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think my moral compass just broke
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
